For me, this current century, otherwise known as the 'new millennium' or the 21st century, has been by no means an easy one nor a happy one to be in. In many fair respects, it has been quite a miracle that I have survived the 21st century A.D. at all. The endless betrayals, heartbreak, strife, and losses of both family and friends that I have suffered in the last 20 years would indeed be for many people a just cause to commit outright suicide. Indeed, there have been times when I have wondered why I am still alive in this hellish, chaotic century at all, given all the hardships and all the evil that I have suffered in it.
Some might say it's really just blind luck that has brought me through the hellish chaos of this millennial age. Others might insist it's just oddball chance that I have so far survived in this anarchic century. But if one should ask me how I have survived the hellish chaos and the endless hardships that I have endured in the 21st century A.D., I would tell them that whatever the cause for my survival in this century might be, I only know it is not by any means because of myself or indeed anyone or anything of this earth that I am still alive to tell any and all who will hear me of my bitter account of surviving in a century that, for me anyway, has been one of heartbreak, chaos, betrayal, loss, and strife.
I had always believed that the 21st century would be an age of hope and peace for me. But unfortunately, it has been anything but that for me thus far. I have gone through four years of hell, bullying, betrayal, and terror at one of the worst prison facilities that the Houston Independent School District could ever have the unmitigated gall to call one of its high schools, otherwise known as Cesar E. Chavez High School, I have endured four more years of hellish chaos, betrayal, and strife at two campuses of Houston Community College, I have seen two of my old friends die on me and the rest of them either lose contact with me or betray me outright, I have seen many of my beloved relatives, including my own father, die on me throughout the last 20 years, and I have endured much emotional pain and endless loneliness.
Yet oddly enough, in spite of all these chaotic events, I am somehow still alive. Although I have tried three times to end my own life, some hand more powerful than my own would not allow me to do so. Indeed I can neither bless nor curse the power that keeps me from taking my own life, much less allows me to keep on living, for I do not know for what reason this unknown power seeks to keep me alive. I only know that, for better or for worse, this unknown hand that restrains me from taking my own life has one very strong grip upon me indeed.
Perhaps in time, things may change for the better in my life. Indeed, to take a line from King Solomon of Israel, 'Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.' Only God alone knows how much I indeed long and yearn for that morning to come for me, if only to put an end to this bitter darkness and strife that I have suffered for the past 20 years in this current century. Until that morning does come, however, I must continue to endure the darkness and the strife that I have much endured for so long without any respite or any letup.
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